19 April 2008

What a Crock

My poor mom thinks she's losing her mind. Any other time we might agree with her--she's a very good candidate--but this time, there's a reason.

All morning I have been struggling to retain my composure. This is quite a feat for me. I do not have the world's best poker face. I love being in on a secret, and letting people know that I'm in on it. Fortunately, my mom is (as mentioned above) often oblivious to the subtext in interactions. so I'm working this to my advantage.

Several weeks ago, my mom fell in love with a red kitchen compost crock. At the time, it wasn't an immediate issue, because our interim container is safely out on the screen porch. It is, in fact, the old diaper pail, which actually functions quite well when you think about it. The problem is it's on the screen porch, which shortly will become the primary gathering place for meals and other times. There won't be enough room for a diaper pail, let alone the inconvenience of a day's worth of decaying vegetation at someone's feet while they're eating.

This morning, my mom decided she was going to order said compost crock, and began to tear the kitchen apart for the catalogue. It has been driving her practically batshit that she can't find it. She's been down to the cellar recycling pile, she's been through each catalogue three times, to make sure it's not in there. She's on the verge of a major obsession.

My dad and I are watching this with a great deal of sidelong amusement and exploding-cheek faces over her crouched figure on the floor.  Because the catalogue has been up on my desk for three weeks; about ten minutes after my mom announced that she liked the red one best, I emailed my sister and offered to split the price for Mother's Day.

I really don't know how much more of this frantic catalogue-digging I can handle before I have pity on my poor mom. One thing's for certain: if she doesn't get sidetracked by something soon, when she opens her gift a few Sundays from now, it will be rendered utterly useless immediately, from her cracking it over the top of my stubborn head.


teabird said...

Perhaps - just perhaps - you might reschedule the gift-giving portion of Mother's Day......for the safety of all!

Granny Smith said...

I usually have no gifts left to give by the time the appropriate day arrives. Let her have it early! Please!

A very well written piece, humorous and universal.

GreenishLady said...

Oh. ... Put her out of her misery! Give! Mothers' Day was March over here, so consider you're being very European by giving it early.

Gemma Wiseman said...

I agree with teabird's and greenishlady's suggestion. But hey! It has given you such a fun write! Things are not all bad!

Perhaps show your Mum how she inspired you? On second thoughts! perhaps that's not a good idea. Let some water pass under the bridge first! Maybe bring it out next Mother's Day?


Deirdre said...

"oblivious to the subtext" - I love that! It's a great story. I hope she's easily distractable too, otherwise you've got a long run until Mother's day.

Paul said...

Hilarious! Life is often the greatest of composers.

Lucy said...

OH how I know your Moms frustration! I've been tearing my house apart trying to find something... And let me WARN you... If I found out my kids had been saving it as a GIFT.. They would GET CLOBBERED!! Trust me friend... GIve her the catalogue with a note saying... we already ordered it for you Mom, happy early Mothers day! ( just some friendly advice to save your life ) I loved your story!!

Mary Beth said...

Oh I feel for your mother. Sometimes I feel like I spend 1/2 my life looking for something that is just out of reach. That red crock is very cool!

Tumblewords: said...

This is too funny! My family has had a few occasions like this as well - and sometimes find that two people have received identical gifts. I hope you give the pot to her asap! :)