Jackie, 1946

I get both my dread of homework and my chubby cheeks from my dad's side of the family, apparently.

(My mother's side is responsible for the nose that changes shape as I age, the incredible thicket of unmanageable hair, and the inability of my feet to reach the floor from any given seat.)

Tangled up in Seuss

Lately I can't get over this bit of silliness. It's peculiarly appropriate, too, given that the cat in question turned 50 this year.

Has Anybody Seen My Pants?

The problem with having a household of three people roughly the same size, one of whom has a tendency to wear men's clothes like her dad but the same size and style underwear as her mom, is that you run the very real possibility of losing your clothes forever. Every time I get undressed for bed and put my clothes into the hamper, I take a moment and wish them a fond farewell, because Lord knows when I may see them again. To wit: my new capri-length running tights. We assumed at first that my dad had done that load, looked at them, decided that capri-length on me equals ankle-length on mom, and put them in her pile when folding. This seems not to be the case, because mom and I just ransacked her entire drawer of gym clothes.

This leaves an even more horrifying possibility. The one that says he looked at the girth of the ass on these tights and realized they must be his. Of course, I'm not sure what that says about his anatomy, that he's able to look at the front and go, "Yeah, okay, I could fit my parts in there, no problem." And I'm not about to ask.

We also have a sock auction around the kitchen table once a week: "So I got this pair of sort of green ragg wool socks which I really like, but they're not technically mine, does anybody belong to these?" "Oh, yeah, those are mine. Are these your black dress socks? Because I already have two pair, so these can't be mine."

Fortunately there is not this issue with bras. You can totally tell those apart. My mom's are the cool ones, fun ones, and pretty ones, and mine are the ones that are designed by the Army Corps of Engineers.

Observation

I've noticed that each of my successive keyboards has had a predilection for cranberry blend fruit juices. Why do we seem to attract that which is most devastating to us? And, frequently, the messiest and most sticky.

Where is Maura?

Three years ago tonight, Maura Murray vanished after a one-car accident in rural New Hampshire. She is still missed.

A Very Important Holiday Message from My Friends the Bummers

I love Al and Scooter.

Hi girls.

So before I talk about my evening, or even my day, allow me a holiday vent.

I hate that song by Band Aid, "Do They Know It's Christmas". Positively loathe it. Hate the synthesizers, hate the whole thing. But what part do I hate most? Well, the Do They Know It's Christmas part, actually. There won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time/there won't be gifts or ribbons/ Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

NO. NO THEY DON'T. AND THEY DON'T CARE! AT ALL! BECAUSE CHRISTMAS IS A CHRISTIAN HOLIDAY, BONO! AND THIS IS THE STUPIDEST SONG I'VE EVER HEARD.

Seriously, can't even tell you how mad this song makes me. I know that's a little over the top, but it really irritates me. No, much of Africa and other "underpriveliged" parts of the world do not know it is Christmas, because they do not practice Christianity and thus they do not care and wouldn't practice even if they knew it was Christmas.
Love, Allison
PS, Of course there won't be snow in Africa. It's the subsaharan tropics. Get with it.

How Not to Be Seen

See, now, in my opinion, this is just bad marketing.
From the home page of White Pine Press:
A note to our readers:
From the classic writers if Asia to contemporary voices from around the world, White Pine Press is your passport to a World of Voices. We publish literature which explores the world of ideas and cultures. The cultures that make up the Amercan mosaic and celebrate the diversity of the world. You can travel to these places without leaving home, no driving, and no crowded airports with security checks. We invite you to become an ambassador to our World of Voices. You can support us by purchasing our books at your local embassy (bookstore) or from us; joining our email list to receive our monthly newletter featuring new titles and special discounts; by purchasing our signature edition items; or by becoming a friend of the press.
Dennis Maloney
Editor/Publisher

And I'll leave it at that.